Do you ever feel like you are putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? Your boss’s? Your partner’s? Your parents’? Your friends’? Your children’s?
In many ways, we women have been taught that “taking care” means enslaving ourselves to everything and everyone around us and seldom making the time, space or energy to take care of ourselves.
“I’ll focus on me later,” we say with a sigh “when the kids don’t need me as much, when they grow up, when I retire. That’s when I’ll break free.” As we push our dreams onto the back burner, our sleep can suffer. Our mood can suffer. Even our health can suffer. Hear me when I tell you, your depletion serves no one!
Take the 4th of July — it’s the day that America celebrates the moment she finally broke free from Britain. And though, as a black-American, my ancestors were not emancipated on this day, America’s Independence Day still teaches me a lot about freedom and what it takes to grab it.
Just like the British Monarchy was used to receiving the spoils of her colonies around the globe and didn’t want to lose it, the people in your life are used to the way you have been showing up for them. They are used to receiving your time, energy and attention and they don't want to lose it! Maybe they take it for granted, maybe they don't, but they are definitely used to it and don't want you to take it away.
Power doesn’t concede easily.
When people (even those who legitimately love you) are used to having your time and attention, it is very difficult for them to give it up.
The responsibility falls on YOU to re-begin sowing into yourself. To begin carving out time for yourself and making yourself honor it.
Additionally, you may feel guilty because we, as women, have been taught that giving all of ourselves to others is the only way to love.
It’s not.
As a matter of fact, loving yourself, caring for yourself, seeing to YOUR needs allows you to love your loved ones even better.
My sister, Tracee, has a wonderful saying that I use all the time. "Give from your OVERFLOW not from your reserves”. I love that! Make sure you are taking care of yourself FIRST so that you are ABLE to care for the ones you love.
Like on an airplane — you're supposed to put the oxygen mask on yourself FIRST and then you are in an even better position to help others.
I’ll say it again “Your depletion serves NO ONE”.
My Process:
I love my family and it fills me with joy to give myself (my attention, my love and care) to them. I try really hard, however, to determine when I am giving from my overflow and when I am giving from my reserves so I don’t get depleted.
I do my best to take care of myself BEFORE I'm depleted. I make sure I get my sleep at night, drink lots of water, eat whole foods, and meditate. I also carve out time for myself to create the art that fuels my soul.
I remind myself that my depletion serves no one. I deserve to benefit from my own energy. I am worthy of my own time and attention. I want to be even stronger and more able to give from my "overflow" not my reserves.
Try this:
Download today’s The Force Within exercise from my website. List the ways (and reasons) that you have been sacrificing your own independence. Are there people in your life who might feel abandoned when you start pouring into yourself? Are you afraid of letting your loved ones down? Then imagine yourself free — List all the ways that your independence makes you a stronger person , a healthier person -- even more more able to give and even more able to love. Write down 1-3 things that you have been neglecting in your own life that you will restart TODAY.
The power to reclaim our lives begins with us. It lives inside of us and is able to be accessed by us at any time, at any age and in any circumstance. It is The Force Within and it will lead us to the Promised Land.
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Until then...
May THE FORCE WITHIN be with you!
Rhonda Ross is a singer-songwriter, an Emmy-nominated actress, and a Personal Power Practitioner. For musical, speaking or workshop bookings: email info@TheRhondaRoss.com
