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The other day, Raif and I ran to the grocery store to get a few items. This particular store uses the method where 3 separate lines approach the cashier at the same time and she serves one customer from each line.
Two of the lines stretched all the way to the back of the store — but there was no one, at all, on the third line. The light was on, but there was no one using it.
I asked a customer near me if she knew why no one was using that 3rd line. She didn’t. I approached the cashier and asked if the 3rd line was open. She told me that it wasn't. I noted to her that the light was on. She looked at the light, a little confused, and then still told me that it was closed.
(Side note — I’m not 100% sure if SHE was correct or if she was just making the assumption since everyone was only using the other 2 lines). At that point, however, I decided to leave it alone.
On my way back to take my place at the back of the line, I passed the customer again, I smiled and said “yeah…it’s closed”.
She scowled at me and said “I coulda told you that. It says it on the sign. Can’t you read?”
Excuse you?
My blood instantly started to boil. First of all..that is NOT what the sign said, but more importantly, she was shaming me for ASKING — for WONDERING — for NOT doing what everyone else was doing simply because they were doing it.
And I thought....this is it! This is why so many of us don't ask the "dumb question". We're afraid of being shamed!
Do you find yourself afraid to ask a what seems like a dumb question? A question about something that seems obvious to everyone else, but makes no sense to you? Are you afraid to be the only one who “doesn’t understand”?
Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely consequences to asking the “obvious” question (you might feel embarrassed, others might think you're stupid), but there are also huge benefits to having the courage to ask it, as well! Namely, you can't understand anything until you do!
From children, many of us were made to feel foolish when we asked questions and yet I believe those who have the courage to ask questions are the ones who ultimately change the world.
I love this clip from Tim Ferris re: what he learned about "dumb questions" when writing his book "Tools of Titans"
As a child, I watched my parents ask what some may have considered "dumb questions". They asked them continuously of the "experts" who were in their employ -- bankers, lawyers, accountants, doctors and CEOs. My parents were never afraid of looking foolish and often, their questions forced the "experts" to re-evaluate their methods!
As a parent, I want my son, Raif, to grow up with that same courage. I want him to question what he sees around him. Asking "Are we missing an opportunity here?" and "Is this the only way that it can be done?", 'Why is it the only way that it can be done?" and "What are the ways that we can make this situation better?" I want him never to be afraid to ask "Can you explain this to me?”
I often tell him, "It's better to look stupid than to be stupid". I also tend to say "know-it-alls" know the least. When you ask the "dumb question", you might feel foolish temporarily, but in the end, you will be the one who is more knowledgable.
Even when people try to insult you, shame you, and shut you up, make a commitment to not care if you look foolish and continue asking questions — you never know when you'll find a better way to do something!
Let me know your thoughts about "dumb questions" in the comments below. Do you shy away from asking them?
What moments do you remember when you were either afraid to ask a question that seemed obvious to everyone else OR a time when you did and were insulted or shamed for doing so.
All my love,
Rhonda
Simply Sing Your Troubles Away (An Empowerment Course)
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Until then...
May THE FORCE WITHIN be with you!
Rhonda Ross is a singer-songwriter, an Emmy-nominated actress, and a Personal Power Practitioner. For musical, speaking or workshop bookings: email info@TheRhondaRoss.com
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