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How are you sleeping these days? How have you slept for the past almost 2 years? Is there a buzzing fear that is keeping you awake? Like a mosquito, but in your head?
I had trouble sleeping las night. I rarely have difficulty sleeping because I get up so early that to fall asleep is usually easy for me. And I can usually sleep right through the night. I’m thankful for that.
But not last night. I know why. There is SO MUCH going on. In some ways it’s reminding me of the early days of the pandemic. So many decisions to make about so many things. So many issues I’m trying to control…in the middle of the night…with my mind.
As a mother and a wife and a daughter, sister, friend, I’m finding myself pulled in so many directions. Making sure that my son and husband and parents, siblings and friends are all getting from me what they need.
Chess players got nothing on me. Good ones think 5-6 moves out, but here I am making choices 5-6 MONTHs out -- at least -- and it can feel heavy.
“Spinning plates” I like to call it. And I don’t let “not one of them fall” (purposeful grammar there).
So what do you do when you are "spinning plates" all night long? Even in your sleep — or (I should say) when you are trying to sleep? What do you do when you can’t stop your thoughts and your worries?
When it’s 2:45am and you are laying in bed with your eyes closed, mentally creating tomorrow’s and next week's and next month's “to-do” list?
Asking for a friend.
Many of the teachers that I read talk about the concept of "Accepting What Is”
Eckhart Tolle talks about “Allowing the Present Moment to be as it is”
Byron Katie wrote a book called “Loving What Is”
The title of Tara Brach’s book is “Radical Acceptance”
And the subtitle of Elizabeth Lesser’s book Broken Open is “How…
Each author in their own way is pointing to the idea of ACCEPTANCE of the present moment and to release the idea of trying to control it.
I did this last night. While my mind and heart were racing like so many buzzing mosquitoes — not allowing me to rest, I tried to catch one of the thoughts as it whizzed by.
I just plucked it out the air.
It was a thought about one of my loved one’s health and safety.
Got it!
I grabbed that buzzing thought by its wings and looked at it between my pinched fingers. It was an ugly MF and it snarled at me.
“Can I control you?” I asked it “I mean really control you?”
“Not on your life!” It growled.
“What control do I really have over my loved one’s health and safety?” I asked myself
Sure there are some things I do -- make sure they have the right masks, sanitizers, and supplements. Talk with them about their behavior and choices.
But even if I were with them every moment of every day
Even if I drove them to all their appointments, cooked all their meals, and fed them like like a toddler “here comes the airplane”.
Even if I dressed them, undressed them, bathed them and tucked them in at night — things could still happen. Things I can't control.
Why? Because my loved one’s health and safety is ultimately out of my hands.
And if I’m doing all those things for one of my loved one, what about all the others who I also love? I can't stop every sickness. I can't stop every accident. I can't raise every spirit. I just can't.
I looked again at the buzzing thought pinned between my fingers as it wriggled angrily to get free.
And I told it — “There is only so much in my physical power — under my direct command — that I can do to control you. I release you. ”
And then I let it go.
And (OMG!) it flew away….
That helped me.
It helps me to accept the things that I cannot control. To allow the present moment to be as it is.
First, I speak the feeling “I’m afraid that…. I’m scared because….” And then I acknowledge that I can't control it.
I also pray.
But my prayers are less about trying to control the uncontrollable.
I use my prayers to remind myself that God (the Source of everyone and all there is) is OMNI- PRESENT and
in OMNI- POTENT
Meaning that God is with my loved ones -- POWERFULLY with my loved ones
Always
And in all ways
God loves me and my loved ones
Always
And in all ways
Is caring for us all
Always
And in all ways
And no matter what it may look like from my limited perspective
ALL IS WELL
Then I can usually turn over
And go back to sleep.
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Until then...
May THE FORCE WITHIN be with you!
Rhonda Ross is a singer-songwriter, an Emmy-nominated actress, and a Personal Power Practitioner. For musical, speaking or workshop bookings: email info@TheRhondaRoss.com
